Saturday, January 13, 2007

Oil


Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Lefties with tinfoil helmets on. A Bush and his Blair enter.

Bush: You sit here, dear.

Blair:
All right.


Bush
(to Iraq): Morning!


Iraq
: Morning!


Bush
: Well, what've you got?


Iraq
: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and oil; egg bacon and oil; egg bacon sausage and oil; oil bacon sausage and oil; oil egg oil oil bacon and oil; oil sausage oil oil bacon oil tomato and oil;


Lefties
(starting to chant): oil oil oil oil...


Iraq
: ...oil oil oil egg and oil; oil oil oil oil oil oil baked beans oil oil oil...


Lefties
(singing): oil! Lovely oil! Lovely oil!


Iraq
: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale Bushner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and oil.


Blair
: Have you got anything without oil?


Iraq
: Well, there's oil egg sausage and oil, that's not got much oil in it.


Blair
: I don't want ANY oil!


Bush
: Why can't he have egg bacon oil and sausage?


Blair
: THAT'S got oil in it!


Bush
: Hasn't got as much oil in it as oil egg sausage and oil, has it?


Lefties
: oil oil oil oil (crescendo through next few lines)


Blair
: Could you do the egg bacon oil and sausage without the oil then?


Iraq
: Eewwww!


Blair
: What do you mean 'Eewwww'? I don't like oil!


Lefties
: Lovely oil! Wonderful oil!


I
raq: Shut up!


Lefties
: Lovely oil! Wonderful oil!


Iraq
: Shut up! (Lefties stop) Bloody Lefties! You can't have egg bacon oil and sausage without the oil.


Blair
(shrieks): I don't like oil!


Bush
: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your oil. I love it. I'm having oil oil oil oil oil oil oil baked beans oil oil oil and oil!


Lefties
(singing): oil oil oil oil. Lovely oil! Wonderful oil!


Iraq
: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.


Bush
: Well could I have his oil instead of the baked beans then?


Iraq
: You mean oil oil oil oil oil oil... (but it is too late and the Lefties drown her words)


Lefties
(singing elaborately): oil oil oil oil. Lovely oil! Wonderful oil! oil o-o-o-i-i-i-l-l-l-l oil o-o-o-i-i-i-l-l-l-l oil. Lovely oil! Lovely oil! Lovely oil! Lovely oil! Lovely oil! oil oil oil oil!


Adapted from the timeless Monty Python "Spam" sketch, of course. Source for find-n-replace transcription here.





<< Home
|

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?