Friday, August 19, 2005
PebblePie Announces The Adopt-A-Jihadi Program
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that thanks to the concerns of citizens like you we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw.
Check it out.
The Religious Policeman interviews the Saudi Minister of Tourism regarding his government's new initiative to make it easier for non-Muslim tourists to enter the country:
RP: So men and women will be able to go swimming up there?
M: I didn't say that. Swimming together, as you know, is un-Islamic. Most hotels only allow the men to go swimming. However there are one or two already that are more relaxed, and allow men to swim in the morning and women in the afternoon.
RP: And can the women go topless?
M Certainly not. They must keep their heads covered at all times.
RP: Isn't that a bit difficult, swimming in a full-length abaya and headscarf, particularly scuba diving?
M: No, haven't you seen the new fashions?
RP: What fashions?
M: Look at this website, there are lots of fashions the women can wear.
Saudi Beach Wear
RP: Don't you think that looks completely ridiculous, like a clown in a Circus?
M: Well, I wouldn't want to wear it, but then I don't have much sympathy, women should stay at home to look after the children and do the cooking.
RP: So where will you be going on vacation, Minister?
M: Well, strictly off the record you understand, and like any Saudi who can afford it, I'll be going abroad. I like the South of France. Nothing like a glass of Chablis in a pavement cafe on the Boulevard des Anglais in Nice. Why be in Saudi Arabia when there are so many great vacation spots?
RP. Indeed, Minister. Thank you for the interview.
M: My pleasure. Are you going to do any more photos of kittens?
I think the bit about where the minister is going on vacation says everything about why certain Middle Eastern bloggers *cough* Raed *cough* >sneeze< Faiza *cough* Niki &&amp;vomit&& are/were willing to tolerate dictators for decades -- abhoring outside intervention -- on the gamble that one day their governments might possibly one day evolve into liberal democracies.
(I am sitting in the living room, reading Glamorama, when I notice my mom coming in the room. I chose to act as if I didn’t notice her coming in and continue reading, until she starts talking to me)
Mom: Sam. SAM.
Me (not removing my eyes from the book): Huh? What?
Mom: Put that book down. There is something that I want to talk to you about.
Me: Can this wait? I am in the middle of something here.
(I notice she is not moving or walking away, and I can feel here eyes concentrating at me. She isn’t going anywhere, so I might as well get it over with)
Ok. Here is the book.
What is it?
Mom: Well, I wanted to ask you something personal.
Me: Ehh, shoot!
Mom: So, when are you getting married?
Me: Ok, fine, you wanna talk about this? let’s talk about this.
Mom: You are going to seriously talk about this and not just mess with me like you do?