Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The Sad Story Of Moojahdeen, The Terrorist Cow

Artwork By Diane Carriere

Ali Fadhil - Hat Tip Jeff - IBC tells us about the sad story of an Iraqi Police patrol "arresting" and defusing a cow loaded with explosives that was wandering down a highway in the Al-Mashro district of Hilla.

Well, I have more information about this story, because I knew this cow and her family. The heifer's name is Moojahdeen, that wasn't her original name, but she changed it to Moojahdeen after undergoing a transformation during her teenage years.

To explain why she became Moojahdeen, it's important to know something about her early years. Moojahdeen had a rough life as a calf. Her family situation was horrible. Her mother, Mom Cow, was gone from the house most of the time. To be frank, she was a bovine slut, who slept around with all of the Bulls in the farmer's field and was rarely there to take care of poor Moojahdeen. She was a very naughty and disreputable cow mom, that's for sure.

And Moojahdeen's father, Father Bull, wasn't much better as a parent. He spent most of his days grazing in the pasture, playing poker with his Bull Buddies, accumulating a lot of cow poker chips, and getting half-sloshed on the fermented dates, that fell from the trees which lined the farmer's field.

It was during these times when her father, Father Bull, returned home drunk and angry that Mom Cow wasn't around to have his grain and grass ready, which Moojahdeen feared the worse. With no mother
to protect her, Father Bull beat his daughter mercilessly with his tail all night long.

By her teenage years, Moojahdeen had had enough
of her dysfunctional home life and had run off
with another herd, that was bound for Pakistan.

It was in Pakistan, that Moojahdeen met an
Ass by the name of Zarqawi, who enrolled her
in a Moodrassas and warped her mind with hatred
and radicalism. Before encountering Zarqawi, Moojahdeen was a sweet innocent cow named
Betsy, but after falling under Zarqawi's
the Ass's spell, she took the Jihad name of Moojahdeen and pledged to kill all the Infidels
and their collaborator's in Iraq, by exploding
herself in one fiery mass of barbecued beef.

Zarqawi promised her, through her sacrifice
and death, that she would be given greener
pastures, 72 Virgin Bulls, and Delicious
Cud to chew for all eternity.

Moojahdeen was udderly convinced and fell for Zarqawi's lies: hook, line, and milking machine.
She was smuggled back into Iraq by Zarqawi's Al Qaeda cattle herders, and given her assignment to detonate herself in the Al-Mashro district by some poor villagers homes.

Moojahdeen was on her way to a beefy explosion,
when a brave member of the Iraqi Police Force intercepted her, and removed and defused the explosive vest, preventing a great tragedy and
loss of more innocent lives in Iraq.

And the story does have a Happy Ending for
Moojahdeen too. Not only didn't she suffer a
needless and unfortunate death, but because of
what the IP found to be extenuating
circumstances in her case, and her promise to testify against Zarqaawi the Ass, she was
placed in the Cattle Protection Program,
given a new Bovine Identity, and transfered
to a Quiet Farm somewhere in Kurdistan,
where she'll spend the rest of her natural
life, happily munching away on nice grass
and providing the sweetest milk in all of
Northern Iraq.

The End.

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