Monday, February 21, 2005

We Are Iraq The Model Nation

Legendary Iraqi Blogger Omar Fadhil sent me a
life-affirming note about this, so I thought I'd
repost it. . .

We Are The ITM Nation - The ITM Nation

An average day in the life of a citizen of the Iraq The Model Nation. . .

My ITM Talking Alarm Clock (with the voice of
Mom Fadhil) woke me up this morning at 4:10 A.M.:
"WAKE UP, sleepy son of mine. You got your necessary two hours of sleep. You must start your 80 hour work week now. No time to waste! You have many patients to see, many teeth to pull, many words to write, many people to visit to spread Democracy in Iraq.

You must feed your pets, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, make your mother proud of her son. And why aren't you married yet? Start looking for a wife.
When will you provide me with a grandson?"

Quickly escaping from the bed and the chattering clock, I put on my ITM Brand Duckie Slippers - with a quack in every step - and made
my way to the bathroom. "Quack. . .quack. . .quack. . .
quack. . .quack ." Hmm, ITM Duckie Slippers are a bit annoying, but they do sure look cute.

Reaching the flush, I sat down on the Enhanced ITM Brand Fur-Covered Toilet Seat with Super Heating Coil Element for cold weather. Sweeeeet, and warm. I did my morning duty, and then
reached for the ITM Brand "Saddam, Eat Merde and Die" triple-ply toilet paper, with the face of Saddam on every sheet. Great toilet paper,
flushed down real easy, and Saddam wasn't looking too pleased with the results.

Then a quick shower, shave; and breakfast, where I sat down at my kitchen table and had a big bowl of Captain ITM Crunch. Mmmm - mmmm , a big bountiful heaping of natural sugary goodness in
every spoonful.

Then, back to the bathroom to brush my teeth with Fadhil's of Iraq Clove Toothpaste, the brand favored by 9 out of 10 Iraqi dentists. No other
brand of toothpaste leaves your teeth so sparkling clean and your breath so dentistry fresh. If you don't see the date trees on the package, you
know it's not Fadhil's of Iraq.

Headed out of the house, locked the door, and got into my brand new Ford ITM Explorer with Mega-Traction four wheel drive, all leather interior, and Super DVD Wet Bar. You can never go wrong with an ITM Explorer.

Arrived at the Top Secret Research Lab buried somewhere under Dulce, New Mexico and much to my surprise, the boss had had
installed new Straight-From-The-Aliens-ITM-Ware PCs. "Yesssss," I practically shrieked, "there is a God!" as I used the massive processing power of the dual Omar-Mohammed ITM chip set to play Code Of Honor: Alien Abduction Baghdad, while simultaneously simulating the massive Tunguska Explosion in Siberia, thus proving my hypothesis that it was caused by a Warp Core Breach.

On my break, took a walk out to where we keep the Bodies of the Roswell Aliens and lit up a Fadhil Menthol, with ten times the nicotine addiction of your average brand of cigarette. Offered Mikey,
the talking squirrel from Reticuli a smoke, but he was sticking to ITM Reese's Pieces; and Spike, the one-armed, Mah-Jong playing chimpanzee with a bad case of the mange was more interested
in his bag of Fiddle Fadhil, the Number One Snack Food in all of the Mideast and the Alpha Quadrant.

Yes, we sure are Proud Members of ITM Nation.

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