Friday, December 31, 2004

Speak, Wise Sandmonkey!

I am just one of a multitude of recent followers of Wise Sandmonkey whose Teachings have led us out of a State of Abject Ignorance.

We sit on the floor in front of Wise Sandmonkey and ask him to share his worldly knowledge and experience.

A young man toward the front of the packed room raises his hand.

Sandmonkey: What is your name?

Young Man: Mike.

Sandmonkey: Okay, Mike, what is your request for the Wise Sandmonkey?

Young Man: Maybe you can enlighten us on why Middle Easterners seemingly live for conspiracy theories?

Wise Sandmonkey: Well, Mike, you see, they all live in police-states under dictatorships, where most of the newspaper are state-owned and censored. Arabs therefore got used to the idea that governments are full of shit and that they never really tell you the truth. That , combined with feelings of persecution, boredom and over-active imagination , sends most of them into the conspiracy theory zone. And once you are in that zone, well, you start seeing them conspiracies everywhere. Like, for example, why is white rice called just plain rice, yet brown rice is called "Wild "rice? Or why is the catchphrase for Frosted Flakes "They are greeeeeeat" and yet you "go coco" for Coco Puffs? And, while we are at it, why does the Coco Puffs box have a monkey character on it? As you can see, this is just the way the white man subliminally control the borwn people of the world, you know, telling them that they are "wild coco brown monkeys", while emphasizing that Anything white is "GREAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT".

All of us followers nod our heads and smile at the Words of the Sage.

One young Fella to another, whispering, "I used to love Coco Puffs. I wonder what that means?"

The other Fella responds, "Brother, once you've gone BROWN, you'll never turn AROUND. Once you've gone BLACK, you'll never go BACK."

Wise Sandmonkey walks among his people, signing the new pin-up calendar of Enlightened Egyptian Lassies he's putting out called Sheikh Yerbouti.

*

Husayn discusses the subject of headscarves in Iraq.
But as the terrorists are weakened and as Iraqis turn away from them, more and more wwomen are feeling comfortable enough to wear what they want without fear for retribution. This was left out of the article, believe me, I see it everyday and at work, more and more women who didn't wear headscarf before are not wearing it anymore.

It must drive the terrorists and their Saudi friends crazy. I talk alot about the Saudis for this reason. We in Iraq know them. They play games with the rest of the world pretending to be friends, but they are enemies of everyone. They are poisoning Islam with their crazy understanding of it, and I am seeing the snake come home. All these attacks in Saudi are just the garbage they have created coming back to bite them. Thats what you should make of these attacks. I think that the poisoin that the Saudis created will be what killed them in the end. I doubt many people in Iraq will shed a tear, for they have caused us much suffering while sitting in their big mansions drinking their alcohol and having prostitutes while pretending to be the greatest Muslims.

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GM at Big Pharaoh gives us the skinny on one of the founding members of Al-Jazeera.
I have talked before about Al Jazeera, the nature of its top management, and its agenda. I just want to briefly mention something about one of the channel's pillars: Sheikh Youssef Qaradawi, the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood cleric who resides in Qatar under the auspices of the Emir. Al Jazeera was his brainchild and he currently has a program he uses to dish out his fatwas to millions across the world. Qaradawi, who is forbidden from entering the United Emirates, called for the murder of US civilians in Iraq and he has provided tacit backing for the terrorists there. Ironically, the multimillionaire Sheikh who is married to a girl at the age of his granddaughters has 2 sons studying in universities INSIDE THE USA. He also did not include British citizens on his death list because the United Kingdom issued him an entry visa so that he can inaugurate an Islamic center in London!

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