Friday, August 20, 2004

Pepto-Bismal? Check.

I've been following the wild back-and-forth of the trigger-happy news people just like the rest of you. Hey, remember that little debacle called the 2000 presidential election? I stayed up all night for that one. I watched all the big-wig network desk-jockeys intone and smirk and sagely predict the future as they called the election for Bush. I kept watching. Around 3 or 4 in the morning, their smiles started to crack. It turns out they were all JUST A WEE BIT HASTY.

CNN comes on today. "Oh yes, it's over, folks. The IP is now in control of the Imam Ali mosque. Hey, pop that champagne! What a wonderful day! Cheers all around!"

And I thought that journalists had already reached the nadir point of popularity and respect! Man, was I wrong.

Let me repeat -- once again -- for the hard of seeing:

IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL THE FAT BOY SINGS!

The Marines on the ground have a fight on their hands and they still see the Mehdi militia in control of the mosque. The spokesman for the Interior Minister must have stuffed a little hash in his hookah. According to all the latest eyewitness accounts, the militia are still inside and still refusing to leave.

Can the air on the top of a three-story building in Iraq be that much thinner than on the ground that it impairs judgement? Hey, journalists in Iraq, get the f*ck off the roof of the building in Baghdad where you do all your sorry-ass standups, walk down the steps, and go out and engage in actual investigation! Try it. Who knows? You might just like actually reporting on something. Hey, it's just a suggestion.

Jeezus, man, what a bunch of complete shits these journalists are.



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